I love my dog, but….

I have no intention of taking him to the grocery store or to a restaurant.  I certainly do not want him in my lap with his head out the window, enjoying the wind in his face while I attempt to drive my car. I do not want my dog with me at the mall or movie theater or doctor’s office, or while I shop, watch a movie or have my annual physical.  I love my dog, but I don’t want him “talking” to the neighbors or thinking he has a right to do his own thing whenever he wants, whatever his thing happens to be. 

I love my dog, but I don’t want him wandering free or getting to know anyone he wants to get to know, and I think you know how dogs love to do that!  I love my dog, but I don’t want him leaving a calling card on anyone’s lawn.  And at home, no matter how much I love my dog, it’s all right with me if I treat him like a second class citizen and make him go to his “place” when we invite people into the house.  I like to be polite and introduce him properly before he attempts to stick his nose where his nose oughtn’t to go.  And if he does, my guests have a perfect right to smack his nose or knee him in the chin.  Not many do, considering his size and smiling face, his puppy brown innocent eyes and bouncing grace. 

I love my dog, but I don’t want him on my couch or drinking out of my toilet or drooling or sleeping on my pillow.  It’s my prerogative to do that myself (not the drinking part).

I love my dog, but I never wanted him becoming amorous with anyone, anything, anytime.  Hence, I had his puppy-making parts removed.  I’ll never have to worry about testicular cancer, escapes to adventure or litters of puppies and irate neighbors with pretty little come-hither-smiling females.   Not that he doesn’t still have enough libido left even after surgery to be entertaining when he can’t walk right and looks at me with that soulful “What is wrong with me?” expression in his puppy-brown eyes. 

I love my dog, but if he won’t follow the rules, I’m going to use the choke chain.  I can always apologize to Cesar Milan later, after all the dogs roaming free on the sidewalk bark thank you!  I love my dog, but I don’t want him in front of me showing me the way.  I want him at my side, my leashed, obedient companion.

Alas, I am in the minority out here on the wild left coast where anything goes – especially with canine companions.  I used to think they were specially trained shepherds, labs and other sizable, smart, controllable breeds.  But now, a canine companion can be any dog any size any time any place and they can do anything they want, according to their doting owners.  Sometimes canine companions wear clothing and ride around in grocery baskets and purses.  Next thing you know, they’ll be driving cars and texting at the wheel. 

Oh, I forgot.  I saw one at the wheel last week!